Tag Archives: extroverts

Small Talk with a Purpose

by

Are you like me; do you hate small talk?  When chatting with a complete stranger (which is another thing I tend to avoid!), is the idea of idly chewing the fat about the weather just about the worst thing you can imagine?  Or, while at a party, do you cringe at the thought of having to word vomit about nothing with people you barely know for two or three hours?

If you answered affirmatively to any of these question, then one of two things may be true about you: 1) you’re an introvert  (yay!); or 2) you really hate small talk.  It should be noted that both of these things do not have to be true at the same time, though they certainly can be (and maybe they usually are?).  The hatred of small talk can by shared by introverts and extroverts alike!

Small talk

Does the thought of small talk make you want to poke your own eyeballs out?

 

But is there any place for small talk, idle chatter, barely-scratching-the-surface speech?

 Small Talk on Mission

A friend of mine recently said that she didn’t like small talk at all.  However, at a gathering we had, she engaged in some small talk and felt quite a bit differently about it.  What changed?

Her words were that the small talk at the party was meaningful — it was small talk with a purpose.

The gathering we were at was a party that consisted of some folks who knew Jesus and some who did not yet.  It wasn’t pushy, religious, weird, or anything like that.  Instead it was literally just hanging out.  It was us creating some proximity space for some of our friends to get to know what Christians are really like.

So when my friend engaged in small talk, she knew it had a larger purpose.  Each “What do you do?” and “What do you think about the weather?” was centered around the gospel.  Each awkward second had the possibility of representing a tiny step closer to someone she cared about meeting Jesus.

That’s small talk I can get behind!

 

What do you think of small talk?  Let me know in the comments below.

10 Challenges for Missional Extroverts

by

Full disclosure: I’m not an extrovert but I am married to one!  She’s taught me a ton about what extroverts are like.  However, the list below is not solely based on my wife and her experiences.  I’ve known lots of other extroverts in my life too!

So based on what I’ve experienced, read about, and observed, here are some potential challenges that a missional extrovert night face.

  1. Spread Too Thin — Most extroverts that I know like to know lots of people, meaning that they can sometimes be pulled in a thousand different directions.  Often the result can be not being able to invest much time in any one relationship.
  2. Don’t Go Deep Enough — This one is related to the previous one.  In order to make disciples we have to go deep in our relationships with one another.  But this can be a problem for some extroverts since their sheer number of friends makes it hard for them to slow down, understand, and connect deeply with individuals.
  3. Rejection — A major part of living like a missionary is learning how to deal with rejection.  People aren’t always going to respond positively to you, your way of life, or Jesus.  It’s really easy for an extrovert to take this rejection personally since being social is centrally important.  And the sadness that this rejection causes can take a while to get over and discourage extroverts from moving forward.
  4. Feeling Too Pushy — Extroverts say that at times they can feel like they are being pushy in a relationship, like they are trying to create something out of nothing.  This is especially true if the person the extrovert is trying to build a relationship with is an introvert!  This fear can sometimes prevent an extrovert from deepening a potential friendship.
  5. The Social Butterfly Effect — Not every extrovert struggles with this, but many who I know do.  Sometimes an extrovert has a hard time focusing in on one relationship because there are so many other people out there!  Maybe there’s someone more fun, more interesting, or more socially valuable to connect to.  Being missional, of course, necessitates that we really focus in on each relationship we are part of.
  6. People Pleasing — This one isn’t true of every extrovert either, but many that I know are also people pleasers, meaning that for them what others think is very important.  A major problem with trying to please everyone when trying to be missional is that it might lead us to telling people what we think the want to hear instead of what they need to hear.
  7. Strategizing…Alone — Virtually every extrovert I know works best, thinks best, and plans best with others.  But the sad truth of the real world is that sometimes we have to strategize alone!  Since being alone is usually socially draining to an extrovert, this can be a huge challenge.  But it is really important for us all to figure out how to take stock periodically, even if alone!
  8. Burn Out — Many extroverts can burn themselves out pretty easily.  And many times this burn out can really surprise and extrovert due to the fact that many extroverts pursue so many relationships at once.  So, while its true that an extrovert needs relationships to be energized, too many relationship will ultimately cause harm.
  9. Intimacy Issues — Everyone has intimacy issues at some level but many extroverts usually have one of two issues: 1) They sometimes let too many people into their most intimate level of friendship, which can result in getting hurt a lot; or 2) They sometimes have lots and lots of superficial relationships to prevent anyone from really getting in close.  Being missional, however, means figuring out how to be intimately connected with one another but in healthy, life-giving ways.
  10. Fear of Being Needy — Almost every extrovert I know has a deep-seated fear of being viewed as needy.  They don’t want people to think of them that way.  This fear can hamper connecting well with folks, so its something that needs to be addressed in the life of a missional extrovert.

What do you think of this list?  Did I get some things wrong?  Did I miss a few?  Let me know in the comments below!

10 Challenges for Missional Introverts