What could be a more difficult topic to talk about than self control?  Think about it — self control is nearly impossible.  We know this because we’ve tried.

There’s that New Year’s resolution that we messed up in a matter of days or weeks.

There’s that doughnut we ate even though we just started a diet.

There’s that promise that we broke even though we were trying our best not to.

There’s that argument we waded into even though we swore that we were’t going to anymore.

And there’s that commitment to God that we’ve broken once again.

johnhain / Pixaba

Self Control as Self-Policing

All of the failures I mentioned above are failures in self-policing.  We attempt to take care of our self control issues on our own.  We muster up our own strength (once again!) in order to combat our problems, many of which are caused by our own inability to enact self control.

This situation is a vicious downward spiral.  Let’s look at how it works:

• We realize there’s something wrong in our lives…
  • So we decide that we can do something about it on our own.
• We commit to some kind of change…
  • Promising ourselves that this time will be different.
• We do pretty well for a little while, a day, week, month, or year…
  • But, inevitably, we fall back into old patterns, thus failing in our efforts at self-policing.
• We identify this failure as a failure in self control…
  • Which serves to make us feel horribly about ourselves.
• And so we decide that we want to feel better by making some changes in our lives…
  • So we decide that we can do something about it on our own.
• We commit to some kind of change…
  • Etc., etc., etc.

But here’s the sad reality: Each time we cycle down the self-policing funnel, the feelings of inadequacy and failure only increase.  Our situation becomes more and more complicated and dire as time goes on.

We can’t do this self control thing, well, by ourselves!

Self Control: What’s the Solution?

So what do we do?

• First, we have to stop relying only on ourselves!  How do I know this?  Here’s a starting place — we’ve tried it on our own and it didn’t work.  We can’t just keep doing the same thing over and over hoping that the end results will be different.  That’s just illogical!  Our methods have to change!
• Second, we need community!  In the Bible we read in Galatians 5 that one aspect of the fruit of the Spirit is self control.  But here’s the really interesting thing, in Galatians 5, beginning in verse 16, community is clearly in the picture.  The “you”s in the passage are plural.  Then we see clear plural language in verses 25-27 with the following: “those who belong to Christ Jesus,” “we,” “us,” and “each other.”  Also, if you think about it, each aspect of the fruit of the Spirit contributes to community and is helped by community.  The only one of them that doesn’t seem to fit is the last one, “self control.”
• Third, we need a better idea of what “self control” really is.  The primary meaning in Greek of the word for “self control” here is “mastery.”  The idea is that by being connected to the Spirit we will become better at this whole following Jesus thing.  Why?  Because the Spirit will serve as our mentor, helping us become good apprentices of the ways of Jesus.
• Fourth, we need to realize that self control is a fruit of the Spirit, not a fruit of our efforts.  The Apostle Paul has a clear goal in Galatians 5, and that’s to encourage his audience to stay connected to and synced with the Spirit.  He says that in so doing that, among other things, this list of benefits, which we call the fruit of the Spirit, will be developed in us.  So it’s not by hard work that we become more loving, gentle, or faithful.  It’s by the work of the Spirit in us as we are connected to him.  And the same is true of self control.

So, do we want more mastery in our lives?  Do we want to exhibit more self control?  Then we must realize that it requires more than just the self!  We need others, we need community, to help us, guide us, and hold us accountable.  And we need the inner-working of the Spirit of God!

What do you think?  How can we have more self control?  How can we be better connected to the Spirit and to one another?  Let me know in the comments below!